My big news
/I’ll cut straight to it and then tell you why:
I’m pausing some things to make room for others, and inviting you to do the same.
This was a monumental summer. Estonia fear-facing aside, my life changed in a major way.
With only two weeks notice, in July my partner Damon and I moved his two kids, aged 15 and 9, from Maine to New York to live with us full time.
As any self-proclaimed A student might, I threw myself head-long into everything all at once. I created a Command Center whiteboard in the kitchen detailing chores, shopping lists and schedules; assembled furniture for two bedrooms; researched summer camps, gymnastics, online programs and new doctors, therapists and social workers; invented Sunday Family Meetings for us to talk about the week ahead; and braced myself for Barbies everywhere and jumping, singing, laughing and other loud sounds at all times of the day.
Between you and me, I also grieved a lot.
I had liked being childfree and hanging with the kids in brief fun stints a couple times a year. Getting to play and be silly, and come home to a clean bathroom and the couch and Netflix to myself. I reveled in traveling as a couple with Damon and sleeping in on weekends.
Suddenly my old life was over.
Sure new things can be great too, but it was really important to acknowledge my feelings. I hope you allow yourself to feel fully when big things happen in your life too.
A couple months in, we have settled into a routine and way of being altogether. Damon and I have had some date nights. The kids agreed they want to call me their stepmom, which is super special.
It’s also a lot.
My calendar is filled with appointments that aren’t my own. There is meal planning with picky eaters, one of them turning vegetarian overnight. There are complex emotions, outbursts, whining, for what seems like no reason. But there is a really big reason.
Everything has changed, for all of us.
Are you holding onto “a lot” right now too?
I keep hearing “it’s a lot” in nearly every conversation with clients and friends. We are holding a lot of things all at once: major work, health and personal life shifts, climate changes, political and social unrest, women’s rights in jeopardy. So much.
The question is: what do we do with this “a lot” we’re each holding onto?
The answer I realized almost immediately, and maybe you feel this too, is space.
But how do we get SPACE when there is So Much??
It feels impossible, perhaps even selfish, and yet I could feel myself craving it with every push I made to schedule meetings, plan events, etc etc. I wanted to run away, or at least turn things off for a while so I could have quiet, gentleness, self-compassion, focus.
Like a plant craving light, this is more than a nice-to-have. This space is necessary to our survival.
And our thriving! Space is life-giving, emotionally and mentally nourishing, and allows us to be more creative, productive, successful on the other side. Scientists have proven it. Likely in your past, there’s already proof of this. Pushing creates exhaustion, pausing creates expansion.
That’s when I made the decision to let something go to make room for this space.
Last week I announced a pause for Hudson Valley Women in Business, my vibrant community of 3000+ women business owners in upstate New York. Members will continue connecting and our Business Directory is still active, but our events, newsletters and social media will pause until early next year.
My coaching continues and I have more space to work with you!
My belief that Women Do Dusiness Differently continues too — in fact this weekend a few of us are Pulling a Plane to raise money for the American Cancer Society if you’d like to support us.
In my recent video message to our members, I invited them — and I’m inviting you now — to see where a pause can benefit you and your work. What needs less pushing and more space? What can you take time away from, even a few days or a month, to focus elsewhere, to feel more nourished, and to gain the perspective needed to make changes for the better?
Where are YOU being invited to pause and make space right now?
I’d love to hear about it. Please share your pauses with me.
I believe and trust that more is possible when we take space. I believe that we can be models for each other in what taking care of ourselves looks like. We can model what healthy businesses and leadership look like when people pause to reflect and take space to explore what’s next.
And we can show all the great things that come from it.
Watch out! Good stuff on the way. :)
