Bare Minimum

When I talk about being an A student from way back — loving the rules listed in construction paper on my third grade classroom’s bulletin board, feeling the assurance and relief that I could follow them and all would be well — people can get the wrong impression.

They may assume I was the smartest kid in the class. That I worked hard.

As embarrassed as I am to admit this, they would be wrong.

The secret to my A student school life was simple: determine exactly what is needed and only do that.

What I was smart at was figuring out the teacher, and strictly observing the stated rules. After that? Nothing. No extra credit. No reading ahead because I was curious. Because, again I’m embarrassed to admit, I wasn’t. What’s more, I followed the rules so well it never dawned on me to do more.

I was a lucky, scrappy, quietly calculating average student who worked the system.

I got A’s. It worked. Yes, there was still a whole lotta people-pleasing and self doubt, but I also felt super proud of myself for achieving what was important to me while having gobs of free time to waste.

Why am I telling you this? Because I recognized another A student in this morning’s snowstorm, and it made me think about YOU and a potential way forward into your next leap.

Here’s what my kind of A student looks like as an adult:

While everyone on the street was digging out their cars in the dark, one neighbor was the last to join us before the 7:00am opposite side of the street parking rule went into effect. She only brushed off the driver side windshield just enough to see out and rolled her car back and forth a few times to build paths for her wheels in the deep snow.

Then she yelled, “Bare F-ing Minimum!” like a rallying cry to the whole block, put her head down for two more shovels and got back into her car.

Her tires spun for a minute gaining traction and the next she was across the street with her car still almost completely covered.

Bare F-ing Minimum works.

Later when I praised her for it, she laughed and offered me kombucha scoby that she has been brewing. She has A LOT of hobbies, every window is filled with thriving plants, she’s lived abroad…all things someone might assume required diligence and hard work.

Pretty sure it’s not as much as you think.

She’s my people. She could do more but instead she determined what’s enough so she can enjoy wide open time to explore interests. Or do nothing.

You can see where I’m going with your next Leap Plan.

What would it look like to do the Bare F’ing Minimum?

I challenge you to:

• List all the things you probably should do this year, or you think someone else would probably do if they were in your position.

• Next, write down only what’s required of what you want to achieve.

• Pare that second list down even more to remove any should’s that snuck in there. For instance, if you saw someone else do it and think it’s the only path to success, that counts as a should. “I should post on social media every day because that’s what it looked like this person did” (should) vs. “I will find 20 people interested in this and reach out to them this quarter.” (BFM!)

• Display the final, gloriously minimum list somewhere you can see often and enjoy for its simplicity.

• Every time you see it — or feel guilty that it’s not longer (should attack!) — announce boldly to yourself and anyone in earshot: Bare F’ing Minimum! Like the scrappy-awesome A student you are.

What is your Bare F’ing Minimum this year? Show me your list!

Share it in comments or email me. I’d love to see it and celebrate with you.

Taking control of this year

I don’t know about you, but after last year I trust myself less, especially my ability to plan.

I’ve adopted a wait-and-see mentality, often doing only what’s right in front of me. In several interviews lately, I mentioned how comforting it is to do laundry or clean my bathroom. I know when both are complete and the finality, compactness of them is a relief when everything else feels up in the air.

I’m talking about control. I can control my bathroom. Outside that, not so much.

Truth is we never have as much control as we wish we did, it just takes big things like a pandemic, racial injustice and political unrest to make it crystal clear. My brain tumor did the same, no matter how “good” I was, how I tried to do the “right” things, I needed those one, two and three surgeries, to be patient with unending tests, and to be a patient for as long as my doctors deemed necessary.

If you’re seeking control this year, here are things to keep in mind that I’m reminding myself daily too.

We can only control:

• What we think about what’s happening

• How we feel about it

• The words we use

• The people we lean on and listen to, and

• The choices we make

The list may be short but there’s a lot to work with here.

Every day you get to decide where you’re putting your attention. The words you will tell yourself when you feel unsure. The actions you will take toward your goal, and what you’ll let go of worrying about or fixating on because it isn’t something you can do anything about.

Special note for us A students about what isn’t on this list: No matter how hard you try, worry or turn yourself in knots, you can’t control other people. If they’ll love you, accept you, respect you, choose you for that promotion or buy from your business. I hate it too sometimes.

Which is why it’s helpful to remember the above includes choosing the people you have around you. Choosing people who want to say yes, who have the capacity to give you what you want, and who believe wholeheartedly in you.

Another note for those of us feeling so much is out of our control: There are big things happening all around us right now. Just because something feels big, there are still things you can do about it. Look back at that list. Choose your words, thoughts, feelings and actions. Worry less about anyone else’s and maintain laser focus on your own. There is a lot of power there.

You are sitting on a lot of power.

Decide what this year will mean to you, who you’ll invite along with you, and every step you’ll take. That is more than enough to achieve anything.

Oh and one last gem from a session with my coach years ago: “Just because you feel something, doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it.”

Feeling out of control, or feeling like things are out of your control, can cause you to run in all directions. Get out the chocolate! Hide under a blanket! Give in to opportunities that don’t feel like a fit but feel “safe.” If you feel like you have to do something, stop. Feel what you feel. That’s enough.

What are you taking control of this year?

Tell me! Let’s keep each other accountable.