When will it ever be "enough"?

You work hard, and then what?

You set a bigger goal. Or you judge yourself for not pushing harder. Or compare yourself to what someone else is doing. And then what?

It is so easy to get caught in the achieve-achieve-achieve loop.

As people-pleasing A students, it’s in our blood. There is always a new milestone to reach, or someone else we can compare ourselves to. Our families, our bosses, our customers, the stranger we just met who seems really cool, the Instagrammer in our industry with 10x more followers.

I’m sure you figured out a long time ago that there is no end point. There is only more.

Unless we decide, for ourselves, what is enough.

I’m not going to lie, this is hard. As someone who has lived most of her life relying on structure — do this and get an A — deciding for myself what deserves an A felt unknown.

It made me so uncomfortable, I looked for ways to avoid figuring it out:

• Following someone else’s path. “If they decide to only grow their business to this level, it must be okay.”

• Waiting for permission. “If she says I’ve done enough, it must be okay.”

The thing is? If it’s not your definition of enough, or if you don’t give yourself the permission, then it will never count. The chasing and self-judgment will continue.

Because underneath this search is often a harsh belief: “I’m not good enough as I am so I need to do this and this and this to prove that I am.”

Ugh, no. We need to change that.

How to decide what’s “enough”

1. Start small.

   Keep it manageable: for instance the project you’re working on right now. Maybe it’s a meeting you’re about to have, or (like in my case) something you’re writing.

2. Define your goal.

   Is it for someone to respond favorably to your offer? Is it so people feel less alone, or have more tools than they had before (my goal with this post)? Is it to get a raise? To convince people to buy from you? Be really clear and concise about your intention so you will know you’ve achieved it.

3. Consider what’s “enough” effort to reach this goal.

   Is doing every possible thing, no stone unturned, more than anyone else would really required? Or have you done enough already? Is what you’ve written (said, did) good enough for the clear goal you set? If you need to add or change or do a little more in service of that goal, what little bit will help? It probably won’t take much more if you stay true to what you defined in #2.

4. Notice when you start looking around.

   If in answering #3, you thought of someone else and what they might do or might think of what you’re doing, it’s a sign to go back to #1 & 2 and focus on YOUR ANSWER. You are the one who has set this goal, chosen this project, you are also the one who decides what is enough.

5. Repeat.

   Like any new muscle we’re developing, this is not a one-and-done scenario. Keep deciding what’s enough in each new situation. What’s enough today for you to feel accomplished? What’s enough likes on social media to reach your intended goal with that post? What’s enough in your bank account for the life you’d like to live? Don’t know? Go back to the top and start again.

Want to talk through what this looks like for your work? Let’s get on the phone. Or comment here and tell me!

What are you learning about “enough”?

What to do instead of hiding

In conversations lately, I’ve heard a lot of insecurity about the world and our place in it, money and having “enough” of it, and time and losing it to constant recalibrating. And that was before the virus started spreading.

I can’t be the only one who wants to hide when things happen that have no clear solution.

Of course plans need to change in order to keep people healthy, and of course our businesses and lives will change along with those plans. Kids will be home from school. Customers will make less of some purchases while buying a whole bunch of toilet paper.

And what do we do in the face of all of this?

Some ideas, and I’d love to hear yours too:

1. Remember the basics. Take deep breaths, drink water and wash your hands often. Like every great goal you’ve achieved, the small consistent steps are the most meaningful.

2. Stay grounded. Brush your teeth while looking in the mirror and really see yourself. You’re here. You’re safe in this moment. You are loved big time.

3. Show people you care. Tell people you love them. Phone calls, sending letters (there’s still time to join my real mail #hugtour or start your own!), smiling at drivers you pass on the highway or shoppers in the aisle over. Thanking postal workers, school bus drivers and pharmacists.

4. Create contingencies. Life changes all the time, and though now feels unprecedented it will feel that way again in the future. What’s most important? Really answer that question for yourself, your family and your work, and then make plans accordingly.

5. Make lemonade. I’m pretty sure you’re already good at this one. Enjoy the first signs of spring by looking for them everywhere. Get dirty finishing a home improvement project and feel good about the accomplishment. Re-start that daily gratitude journal. Borrow more books from the library. Use the changes as a way to innovate your work.

And if accountability helps—we are A students after all—email me about how you’re making lemonade.

Maybe we can brainstorm some fun ideas or inspire each other to get creative.

Let’s make the most of this time. How special it is.