You know what works for you

Remember last month when we checked in with each other?

It seems forever ago to me too, and now there’s a war weighing on us.

What I heard from you back then:

• You feel overwhelmed by requirements on your already-limited time

• Most are similarly stuck in the deep pit of their email inboxes, and

• There’s a mutual longing to be reminded of how much we’re already getting right.

So I’m coming to you today with a reminder of just that. Specifically:

1. You know what works for you.

2. It doesn’t have to work for anyone else for it to be a successful strategy for you.

As A students it can be really easy to look externally for rules, and then judge ourselves on how well (or not) we follow them.

I get it. External rules to live, work, eat and sleep by are comforting in a way, like when they were listed on the board in third grade. But it’s a slippery slope between Motivation and Comparison, and the latter is downright debilitating.

If you trusted you knew what works best for you, your work, your personal life and time commitments, what would you do? What would you not do?

My guess is you would do a lot of the same things you’ve already been doing but you Would Feel Less Bad About It. Which leads to the second reminder: your way may seem different, and different isn’t wrong. It may be tough sometimes to listen inside for the answer, or to see what you’re already doing, feeling and thinking as right-for-you without any outside confirmation. But it’s true. You are already right and get a gold star.

For the next week, try on the mantra: I know what works for me.

Use it in conversation with loved ones who ask what you’re up to, and in conversation with yourself when you’re figuring out what to do next.

You already know and you don’t have to prove it or explain it, even to yourself.

You are soo right.

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How are you, really?

I looked at my inbox this morning and had no idea where to start.

So I’m writing to you instead to check in with each other.

How are you, friend? Really.

Some clients I’m hearing from are making steady progress, feeling driven and focused. Others, many small business owners especially in the restaurant world, are exhausted and struggling through winter hopeful to stay afloat until spring. Most say it depends on the day.

It made me realize that unless we ask, and take the time and care to listen for the answer, it can be hard to tell what’s happening with people. We can make assumptions based on social media posts or short text volleys, when the truth is a bigger conversation.

In effort to be here and ready to listen to your full answer, I’m sharing mine.

How am I?

On the plus side, I’m happy about my 2022 theme: Ease & Satisfaction. They encapsulate what feels worth my attention this year, and how I want to feel at the end of each day.

These are not, to be honest, what I feel right now. I may have mentioned my inbox. My to-do list is also not the tidy three bullets I encourage publicly.

This week I’ve felt dread. I want to do it all well and be responsive, but instead my eyes dart from message to message because most are not a quick and easy fix. They take measured thought and when I’m spinning thoughtfulness has left my brain. In response, I downloaded an app on my phone that is an unending series of Wordle puzzles. I may have stopped writing this to play along with my other vice, hot chocolate.

So how I am is a mix of satisfied and frazzled. Needing downtime and intermittently taking it. Enjoying bursts of productivity and insight with repeats of the Great British Bake-off.

Mostly, I have to say, I’m really proud for not giving myself the hard time I once did.

When I feel overwhelmed, I immediately tell myself: take the time and when you come back it’ll seem much more straightforward. That’s always the case. I know myself well enough now to lean into the bursts and to trust that another will return within a day or two. It’s worth the wait.

And since no post from me is complete without tips, I’ll share this one: trust yourself.

Trust your need for downtime, because processing and thinking are happening under the surface. Plus, very likely you work quickly when all synapses are firing (admit it, you have moments of A student-efficiency) and will get a surprising amount accomplished when energy returns.

Lean into your own energy bursts!

Now, it’s only fair that this is a two-way check in. When I ask, I really want your answer.

How are you, friend?

I’m here to listen.