How to handle negative feedback

What do you do when people review your work, comment harshly on a post, give you a tough grade, or share honest advice?

At my most sensitive, one not-glowing comment (sometimes it doesn’t even have to be negative) would cause me to give up and never come back. I left art school in 2006 where feedback is shared regularly and openly whether you want it or not, and have barely picked up a paintbrush since.

In business, this translated into worrying that I did something wrong if my newsletter open-rate dipped, my programs didn’t fill fast enough, or there was less engagement on a social media post than I expected.

Hopefully you’re better than me, and comfortably view all feedback as a stepping stone toward improvement instead of a criticism of your core being.

If you’re more likely to shutdown from feedback than keep going, this post is for you.

In addition, if you’re quick to change your tactics after one false start or a couple bad reviews, this is also for you.

Hint:: When something happens and you think that means you have to alter what you offer, the design, when you schedule things to go out…only a couple “negative” experiences is too soon to make a switch. This post is about what to do instead.

How to handle negative feedback

First, let’s get clear on where you are.

You’re hurt, embarrassed, nervous something is wrong and you might not know how to fix it.

When we feel a lot of feelings, it’s human nature to want to get away from those feelings as fast as we can. It’s why we immediately want to make major changes to our strategy. If we’re being proactive, there’s less time to worry.

But, you also don’t know enough, or have enough data, to really make an informed decision. You shouldn’t be changing right now. Feel your feelings and collect more data. We’ll get into what that looks like in a minute.

Next, get some distance.

Go for a walk, put on some music and dance; start moving so your brain gives over to your body for a few minutes.

How long you do this depends on the feedback. Some requires more time than others. If you return to your desk or look at your phone again, and all the feelings come back, it’s too soon. Don’t rush it, move some more or move onto unrelated things and try again later.

Only then can you process the feedback.

I spoke to a couple clients recently about devising an actual plan they’re sticking to their laptop or writing up in a note they can refer back to when they need it.

If you like lists too (you’re my people), I highly recommend making one for yourself. Basically, it’s the five things you’ll do the moment you’re struck by feedback and feel the familiar worry rising up inside you. When we have strong feelings, having specific steps laid out in front of us help big time.

Here’s what yours can look like:

1. Go for a walk and don’t come back until your head is clear.

2. See what was really said. Re-read it or replay it in your mind with as much openness as possible. Parse out what could be useful and what’s triggering, and handle each separately.

3. Consider all the factors out of your control. Was it a big news day? A holiday? Could these people have had something happen in their lives that would cause their reaction (or lack of one)? Have the seasons changed? Are kids out of school? You get the idea.

4. Collect the data. What time did you reach them? What was your subject line? How long was your message and how quickly did you get to the point? What were the design elements you were trying for the first time? Don’t change any of these but begin to collect the data about them. When you try the same thing again (3-5 more times!), compare the data. This is all market research.

5. Reach out to your best customers and happiest clients. If something negative came in, put something positive out there. Contact a few of your favorite people and love on them. Send them a discount, give them a compliment, tell them you were thinking of them and hope they’re happy with your product.

Feedback is part of the work we do and the world we live in.

In most cases, if you can take care of the personal sting and collect the data, you’ll have the perspective you need to stay curious and trust yourself.

You’re already on the right path. Stick with it.

Why it's better to fail than to quit

9 out of 10 A-students agree: quitting is safer because at least you won't FAIL. 

Failing is scary!

What's even scarier is the thought of failing, which is why most of us quit way before we're anywhere near actually failing. It's easier to head things off at the pass and save face. 

You stop promoting your workshop before the deadline or don’t go to that second job interview, because seeing it through puts you in the precarious position of everyone seeing you. If you succeed or fail is out there, and it’s uncomfortable.

Let's avoid any risk of that.

When asked in the past about my own quitting, I used to say, "I'd rather get it right or not do it at all."

What kind of leeway does that provide for trying new things and learning? The whole point of owning a business and leaping of any kind.  

If it's not clear why this is important, consider that taking the safe route, never approaching even the possibility of failure, means staying in an unfulfilling career. You could keep doing what you're doing for the rest of your working days and just being okay about it. Another A-student nightmare. 

If you want to do what you love, you need to not quit when it gets uncomfortable.  

Because, while quitting means you won't fail, it also means you won't achieve your goal either. Many people sign up last minute for workshops, maybe they are waiting to do the same for yours. Maybe they want to make you an offer if you can just meet one more time. You don't know, and the only way to find out is to keep going. Keep putting in the consistent effort as if you WILL succeed.

Because then, it works.

You deserve to succeed and learn and grow and leap and get back up again supported by the rest of us who feel just like you. Gulp.

How do you stick with it when you want to quit? I look for ways to take a fresh perspective.

• Ask for help.
• Take a couple of deep breaths.
• Play outside.
• Read words that inspire you.
• Listen to upbeat music.
• Do the opposite of what you'd normally do.
• Treat this like a game, and take the pressure off. 
• Be scared & do it anyway.

Or, you can hang out the window, but I wouldn’t recommend it. 

Whatever you do, KEEP GOING!

I believe so much in you.

What helps you risk failure and keep going?